Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever give up!

Love doesn’t work out too well when we’re armor plated.

In a reply to one of my blog posts on C.S. Lewis (, I saw this today:

“As someone who has had their heart broken 8 times trying to find love, the most recent just today, I have to say that C.S. Lewis was wrong.

He seems to forget that losing love, that pain… IS HELL!! So, basically I am damned either way. At least I won’t have to go through the rejection any more.

Let my heart shrivel and die, let me not feel a thing. I would rather be numb than in pain, better callous than cursed.”

So here are my thoughts . . .

The hardest thing to do is love like you have never been hurt before.

If you keep finding that you get hurt over and over again, stop searching and take time to heal.

If you keep swinging from one person to the next you aren’t looking for love, but more of a fix to feel something.

You’re not “cursed” but if this pattern repeats itself, you should look into yourself and see how you might be affecting the outcome.

I know of a great girl who is a good example of self-sabotaging her relationships because she’s always in fear of the person she is in love with leaving her. She doesn’t see this, but her fear has pushed away some great guys . . . and I know from past experience, that I am not much better at this and I’ve committed to learn my way out of this.

It takes a lot of faith to love someone . . . more than you think you could ever have. By loving someone deeply though all that comes, we learn how to love others better and how to become better people.

What I have learned so far is “Hang in there.”

It’s more than a cliche or some thoughtless advice that a person tosses your way instead of listening . . . it’s actually a way of life.

I’ve also learned that self pity will take me no where.

My best advice to everyone is: If you love anything or anyone, don’t ever ever ever ever ever give up. . . all things that are of great value don’t come easy and they are hard to find.

This is what makes them special.

I’ve felt the feelings this person is expressing and it’s hard to believe now, but I’ve found that they are a myth . . . a hoax . . . and not real.

They come from you asking, “what does this person give to me?”, but not from “what can I do to help this person?”

The only thing we can do, is choose to love better . . . if you need help, I’ve found that Corinthians 13 does a good job of giving the template of true love.

A wise man once said to me, “Loneliness is the illusion we are tricked into feeling when we stop thinking of others and only of ourselves . . . it’s a disease and we can fight it the moment we chose to put others before us.”

If you don’t believe me . . . try it . . . don’t talk about it . . . help others and find connection and never ever give up.

You’ll find that if you keep working on “you” instead of hunting down new people, you’re going to find someone wonderful who love’s “you” just as much as you do.

Last thought . . . how can you love others as you love yourself if you don’t even love yourself yet?

Get it? 🙂

2 Responses to Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever give up!

  1. tobehisalone says:

    That was weird. Someone wrote to me part of that quote from CS Lewis sometime last October. Today, still thinking about love, I decided to go find that quote and see who it was from. I ended up on your blog, from the post you wrote back in 2008. I decided to see what else you’ve written, so I went to your homepage, and look at that–that last thing you wrote about is about the same thing…God is clearly speaking to me about this issue, and I wanted to say thanks for your words of encouragement.
    We also can’t love others until we understand and allow God’s love to penetrate to our hearts. You’re right–it takes faith to love. Faith in Christ, that He’ll give us the love we need to give to others, since our love will end one day, but His love never fails.

  2. Joel says:

    Can you clarify something for me regarding your original quote of C.S. Lewis? Was he referring to love in general or “romantic” love in particular? I haven’t read the book.

    I have a low opinion of romantic love (or eros if you will) because it encourages people to reach particularly annoying levels of stupidity. I agree with Lewis if he is referring to love as a general concept and I can even forgive him if he is glorifying eros in that general context.

    Is it possible that someone may just be acting prudently when one cuts him/herself off from romantic entanglements? I think it’s still possible to be a loving person and say no to eros. Maybe in some cases, it frees up that person to be more generous with love when the normal stresses and expectations of eros are not there to steal time and energy.

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