In a reply to one of my blog posts on C.S. Lewis (https://motorphilia.wordpress.com/2008/02/03/to-avoid-love-is-to-find-hell-cslewis-explains/#comments), I saw this today:
“As someone who has had their heart broken 8 times trying to find love, the most recent just today, I have to say that C.S. Lewis was wrong.
He seems to forget that losing love, that pain… IS HELL!! So, basically I am damned either way. At least I won’t have to go through the rejection any more.
Let my heart shrivel and die, let me not feel a thing. I would rather be numb than in pain, better callous than cursed.”
So here are my thoughts . . .
The hardest thing to do is love like you have never been hurt before.
If you keep finding that you get hurt over and over again, stop searching and take time to heal.
If you keep swinging from one person to the next you aren’t looking for love, but more of a fix to feel something.
You’re not “cursed” but if this pattern repeats itself, you should look into yourself and see how you might be affecting the outcome.
I know of a great girl who is a good example of self-sabotaging her relationships because she’s always in fear of the person she is in love with leaving her. She doesn’t see this, but her fear has pushed away some great guys . . . and I know from past experience, that I am not much better at this and I’ve committed to learn my way out of this.
It takes a lot of faith to love someone . . . more than you think you could ever have. By loving someone deeply though all that comes, we learn how to love others better and how to become better people.
What I have learned so far is “Hang in there.”
It’s more than a cliche or some thoughtless advice that a person tosses your way instead of listening . . . it’s actually a way of life.
I’ve also learned that self pity will take me no where.
My best advice to everyone is: If you love anything or anyone, don’t ever ever ever ever ever give up. . . all things that are of great value don’t come easy and they are hard to find.
This is what makes them special.
I’ve felt the feelings this person is expressing and it’s hard to believe now, but I’ve found that they are a myth . . . a hoax . . . and not real.
They come from you asking, “what does this person give to me?”, but not from “what can I do to help this person?”
The only thing we can do, is choose to love better . . . if you need help, I’ve found that Corinthians 13 does a good job of giving the template of true love.
A wise man once said to me, “Loneliness is the illusion we are tricked into feeling when we stop thinking of others and only of ourselves . . . it’s a disease and we can fight it the moment we chose to put others before us.”
If you don’t believe me . . . try it . . . don’t talk about it . . . help others and find connection and never ever give up.
You’ll find that if you keep working on “you” instead of hunting down new people, you’re going to find someone wonderful who love’s “you” just as much as you do.
Last thought . . . how can you love others as you love yourself if you don’t even love yourself yet?
Get it? 🙂